a year ago i was stealing safeway baskets cause i didn’t know what a t-bone steak looked like; and sitting with my mom watching the biggest loser while downing margaritas and chips and salsa like one of the contestants. 

a year ago, i brought an entire 24” birthday cake in for my homeroom (okay, minus two pieces) because my mom was craving cake and couldn’t find individual slices at the store.

a year ago, my grades were better (marginally), my fitness was worse (marginally) and my hair was longer (substantially).

a year ago, i catered to the needs and wants and whims and desires and lusts of one person (not me) and couldn’t say no to anyone else (even if i wanted to), except the people i knew would still love me after (including me). and i thought these were loving actions (but to whom?).

a year ago, i learned how to hate someone so much that i started to hate myself, because i’d only ever hated one other person in my life (and i’ve hated that person so long it feels natural and right to hate that person—any other feeling would shake my entire belief system and understanding of the world to the very core).

a year ago, i decided i wanted to like hip hop and rap because HEY everyone else does!

a year ago, i had one cat with all his fur, an HP laptop that wouldn’t turn on, and a skirt that covered my knees.

a year ago, i had a red samsung flip phone with an obnoxious text message tone.
from last year to this, i think the number of times i changed my cell phone exceeded the number of times i changed any other thing about me.
yet, as of now, i have the same red samsung flip phone with an obnoxious text message tone.

as of now, i have a puppy, a fattening kitten, and a cat whose fur is growing back. i have a fully-functional macbook pro, and a skirt that keeps riding higher and higher the fatter my hips get.

as of now, i’ve decided i don’t wanna like hip hop and rap anymore unless i genuinely like it; otherwise i’m sticking to my good old rock and roll. and i’ve formed a respect for jazz. don’t tell kurt. or anyone else, for that matter.

as of now, i’m back to just hating one person instead of three, because i let go of some of my hate and that has allowed me to hate myself less (still working on that last one though).

as of now, i cater to my friends, my family, and myself equally. i’ve learned i can’t say no to any of them because i don’t WANT to say no, because i know i still love them after. and when i WANT to say no—i do. i’m gonna let the other one cater to his own needs. no more early morning drives to the hospital—no more sanctuaries from the cops at my house.

as of now, i’m planning on doing my homework (mostly), i’m planning on running more (mostly) and i want to cut my hair (kinda).

as of now, the only thing my homeroom gets is the scent of my shampoo and conditioner and a wet towel when i decide to shower at school.

and as of now, i know what a t-bone steak looks like and how to cook it, i still have my safeway basket, and here i am sitting with my mom and my grandma eating chips and guacamole with margaritas and watching the biggest loser on cinco de mayo.

hmmm.