i misjudge people too often. you could say i have trust issues, but it’s less that i have a hard time trusting and more that i trust too easily.

and every new person who tells me a new lie seems so honest in the beginning. but you know, there are always signs. i just write them off as coincidence because i want SO DESPERATELY to believe there are good, honest, genuine people out there.

and you know, i can’t get the “what-if” out of my head. what if this person is really honest? how can i doubt them, in case they are? i don’t want to lose my chance at meeting a real, live, honest human being by being paranoid.

maybe my issue is that i have no idea where middle ground is. i flock to either extreme, thinking either that this person i’m talking to is the epitome of genuineness or that he or she is deceiving me with every little nice thing they say or do. 

the thing is, i know i over-exaggerate and over-analyze. so in order to try and balance these things out, i force myself into thinking the exact opposite. i’m like a pendulum. bi-polar. one moment i think you’re my best friend, my only friend—the next, i think your sugary sweet honey is poisoned, and all you want is to hurt me in the process of taking something from me for your own gain.

this is how i fuck up most of my relationships and friendships. it’s a vicious cycle, and more often than not

i feel more alone than ever.